intimate relationships

All of your intimate relationships depend on your own self-Acceptance
There is much more to intimacy and intimate relationships than sex and the feeling or thought of
being “
in love”.
Intimate relationships are deep connections offering comfort and
satisfaction. These deep connections can boarder on obsession
but it is different from jealousy.
It is important to know yourself before
you embark on the journey of intimacy with others. When you
take the time to be intimate with yourself you discover your likes,
dislikes, and tolerances first hand.
It is essential to know yourself before you enter into an intimate
relationship.
Why?
Because it is not fair to expect another person to complete you, people
can only complement you. People in our life, from relatives
to friends to mates, shine like big theater lights revealing our likes,
dislikes, and tolerations about ourselves.
When you have an intimate relationship with yourself you will notice
admirable traits in potential mates.
Normally what attract us to someone are the exact characteristics that
we are lacking in ourselves. For example, if you are reserved
and shy chance are high that you will be attracted to someone that’s
outgoing and the life of the party.
This is not only because opposites attract but also because “the grass
always looks greener on the other side”.
Most people secretly desire traits that are opposite of their
own.
For example,
one of the clients I coach, lets call him Stan, is extremely
shy. He desires nothing more than to be more
outgoing. Stan makes up for his shyness by hanging out with
guys who are at the opposite end of the spectrum. He also
engages in intimate relationships with women who are loud and
outspoken.
In the beginning of the relationship Stan see value in the friendship
and admire the personality differences. After awhile those
same opposite traits begin to build a rift between Stan and his
friends. The rift is created because neither person
understands how to appreciate and compliment the other’s
behavior.
Stan is working on taking control of his feelings by learning his
likes, dislikes and tolerances. I am working with Stan on
developing inner intimacy by first knowing and accepting who he truly
is and second embracing differences in others.
He also engages in intimate relationships with women who are loud and
outspoken.
In the beginning of the relationship Stan see value in the friendship
and admire the personality differences.
After awhile those same opposite traits begin to build a rift between
Stan and his friends.
The rift is created because neither person understands how to
appreciate and compliment the other’s behavior.
Stan is working on taking control of his feelings by learning his
likes, dislikes and tolerances.
I am working with Stan on developing inner intimacy by first knowing
and accepting who he truly is and second embracing differences in
others.
It is possible to have a successful relationship with a person who
possess personality traits that are opposite from yours only if you are
willing to learn from that person.
You must embrace these differences.
You can only accomplish this if you first have an intimate relationship
with yourself. Life can begin a quest to experience new
things and create your ideal personality.
So
who do you want to become?
Remember that all of those cute little things your partner did when you
first met will begin to annoy and irritate you after a few years or
even months if you are not in tune with your own likes, dislikes and
tolerations.
It is not only a disservice to yourself but also to your mate if you
don’t spend quality time getting to know you
before you
get into an intimate relationship.
When you enter into a relationship you are agreeing to get to know
someone more intimately. The nature of most relationships
causes us to become so intertwined in the world of the other person
that we have a tendency to put our own needs, desires and dreams on the
back-burner. But if you have an intimate relationship with
yourself first then there is a stronger likelihood that your goals will
intertwine more readily with your mate’s goals.
Life
Coaching Moment
Here are some
specific things you can do to have a more intimate relationship with
yourself
1.
One thing that I wish I could still have or do that I enjoyed as a
child is _____________.
2.
I really disliked doing _____________ as a child and am glad that I am
an adult and don’t have to do that any more unless I choose too.
3.
Imagine that every person in the world had to display a public motto
that described their purpose in life or who they would like to
become. Imagine that every time you signed your name you had
to also write your motto. Anyone who knows you knows your
motto also.
What would your motto say? How would you like to describe
your personality? When you introduce yourself to someone new, imagine
if it was customary to say your name and motto. What would
your statement be?
Here
is mine: My
name is Tiffany. I help people create their tomorrow(s) by
dealing with their feeling, thoughts and disappointments of today.
Now
you try it:
My name is _____________. I help people
__________________________ or
My name is ___________ my purpose in life is to _____________________
or
My name is ___________. I am ________________________________.
Note:
Your personal motto should be less than 15 words. It should
be positive and written like you have already accomplished
it. Don’t say I would like to be a better wife.
Say, my name is ____ and I am a great wife. What ever you are
working on becoming should be your statement.
4.
Recite your motto daily. For a challenge share your motto
with family and friends.
Life
Coaching Moment BONUS:
5.
Bonus:
For 90 days keep a journal that list 3 positive thoughts or feelings
you experienced and 3 negative thoughts or feelings that you
experienced. Do not write things that other people did that
you liked or disliked but write how those things made you
feel. (For example: I felt loved and appreciated when Maurice
complimented my cooking. Or I felt disrespected when the
waitress didn’t return to my table.)
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